So many things happen with Ethan in the course of a day. Our lives are filled with so many wonderful things. It is hard sometimes to remember them all. What a great problem to have. I get SO excited and start calling my friends/family to share the latest fabulous occurence. As I explain how unbelievable something was, I have to also stop and fill in the blanks as to why this is SOOO Amazing for a child with autism. Then I have my friends that are living it – that need no explanation. They are the ones I hear crying before I can finish the story. But I NEED everyone to know. There isn’t enough time to call everyone, so I blog. I need my ‘autism Mommies’ to know that things can change. That while they might be holding on to their last strand of sanity, that they too can have these AH HA moments. The moments when I tell the kids I need to go potty, so I really can go get on my knees – cry a little and thank God for His mercy.

I just got off my knees again and wanted to share my joy.

It may help to do a little of that explaining about Ethan. At one point, Ethan had lost his speech – with the exception of ‘ba’ (ball) and ‘jui’ (juice). Freddie and I started learning some basics of sign language to help him. Ethan was in his own World. He was lost. He cried at the drop of a hat. So many things caused him such a high level of stress that it was consuming all of us.

I remember July 4th a couple of years ago. We had moved into a beautiful house with lots of big glass windows and two walls of sliding glass doors leading to the pool. Tranquil…until the 4th of July. Once the fireworks started, it was FULL ON PANIC for Ethan. From sunset until midnight was a Nightmare. He cried, screamed, tried to hide. The look of fear in his eyes was enough to break you into pieces. He begged us “Mommy! Daddy!” He had just enough speech to beg. KA-BOOM! He would howl in pain from the sounds and run. From the shower, to the closet, trying to get behind a couch. Crying and begging all the while. After trying everything, we finally got him in the bathroom with the tub water running to mask the sound of fireworks. This went on for hours. Ethan was shaking and crying. I wanted to go outside and SCREAM at the World! STOP!!!! please stop

Ethan’s fear has been crippling. His sensory issues, also crippling. His lack of social skills, lack of verbal skills, lack of physical agility and muscle coordination…

We would have to really plan to go anywhere. If we were going to visit family, they had to prepare their house for Ethan or we would have to stay in a hotel. No animals. TV’s must be left on. Sweet tea and Tyson Chicken nuggets were required. Tyson Chicken nuggets, not any other Brand or version of Tyson. Ethan knew the difference. A plane ride was out of the question…I mean – COULD YOU FREAKING IMAGINE? There was not enough Xanax in the World for me to try a plane ride with Ethan.

But as you know, Ethan is changing. The screaming, freaking out 3 year old is now 7 years old. Ok, so he has gotten older. Let me assure you that age is not always a blessing with autism. The older they are, the bigger they are. They can pull away and run from you in a busy parking lot. It is harder to control them, to keep them safe. Now mix a TON of Military trips in that equation. Now mix in the PCSing. Just when you get things in place, you move and start over.
It is hard.

But the amazing part is that we have never been alone.

Hebrews 13:5-6 “Let your conduct be without covetousness, and be content with such things that you have, for he has said, ‘I will never leave you, nor forsake you,’ so that we may boldly say, ‘The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do to me.'”

I so do not deserve God’s help. It is a good thing that I don’t have to deserve it. I just have to believe. I began to Trust and Believe when I had nothing else to hold on to. I don’t think God cares how you get to Him – just that you get there. Now that I have that relationship with Him, I see His Blessings everywhere. My heart is changed forever. I am Saved. I am Never alone. Neither is Ethan.

Ethan knows that Jesus loves him. Ethan is the first one to give ‘Thanks’ at every meal. Bless his heart, if he gets a second helping of food, he prays over that plate too. We talk about Jesus, what God has done for us, and what that means to us. Ethan has a heart for the Lord. He knows and it matters to him. I am thankful.

So over the past couple of days….

the boy who didn’t talk has cracked joke after joke with me.

He has eaten M & M’s.

He has eaten ‘strange’ chicken, apples, soup, ‘strange’ pizza, ‘strange’ bread.

He has written homework that stayed on the lines without me doing hand over hand. (He started writing somewhat unassisted only about 8 months ago.)

Ethan has asked about growing up. Will he grow up? Will he be called a “Man.” He says that he just wants to be ‘that guy’ Ethan. You know – like any other guy. Just ‘that guy.’ Ok. So this tells me he sees a difference in himself. A difference between himself and other kids. But he is determined.

Today he made a BIG move toward being ‘that guy.’ ‘Mr Tyson Nuggets’ told his teacher that he would be eating school pizza at lunch. ‘Mr Routine’ did not just go to his seat in the lunchroom. He stood in line. The loud line. He waited his turn. He asked the lunch lady for pizza. He is in a “regular” class so while the lunch staff is nice, they would not know to give him extra assistance. He was treated like the other kids. He nicely said “no thanks” when offered other food. He used his lunch card and paid for his pizza. He nicely asked his teacher to help him cut the pizza up. He ate the pizza, turned to the teacher and said “I ate my pizza. I am a cool kid.”

His teacher also explained how well he did with EVERYTHING today. She said “I don’t know what it is, but he’s on FIRE today! I am so amazed that I could cry!”

He played, effortlessly, with other kids today.

He banged heads with another kid on the play ground. He even fell down. Then he laughed and got up. No anger. No tantrum. No crying. He dusted off, got up, and kept going.

Ethan goes along at the same pace for a while. He will then suddenly improve. We go through stretches of stagnation. We then go through phases of rapid advancement. This ‘phase’ of rapid advancement has been non-stop for about 6 months. In the past, they would last for a week or so. There has been no tantrum for 7 months. 7 months. My dear ‘autism Mommies,’ can you imagine 7 months of no tantrums? It is SO SO SO AMAZING!!!

He has been catching FIRE for a while. He is a Miracle. He is Amazing. He is showing us that a kid that shouldn’t make it can. A kid that by some accounts should be a burden, is a Blessing. I am watching a Miracle happen.

Every day he moves closer to ‘normal.’ He went from a lost kid that couldn’t talk or make eye contact to a kid striking out for independence. Ethan is still a little spooked by animals. Tvs are rarely even an issue anymore. Loud noises are met with dirty looks from him, but the screaming is gone. The freaking out is gone. Now Ethan will say “I don’t like that. It is too loud for me. Let’s go.” I am amazed by him. His Spirit and Courage inspire me.

He will grow up to be ‘that guy’ one day. Just ‘that guy’ Ethan. Just like any other guy. I now believe anything is possible. Our fears concerning Ethan’s future are being replaced with Hope. We should have Hope. He is gonna make it.