Autism has been in the news quite a bit lately.  1 in every 88 children have it.  Military families have a higher rate.  Being a boy increases the rate yet again. So being the son of a military family GREATLY increases your risk of having autism.  ‘Cause having Daddy gone all the time wasn’t enough for us…

Ethan has gone through years of therapy for speech, ot issues, social/behavior interventions.  He is doing GREAT!  It has been a LONG road.  We still have a LONG road ahead of us.  But we now know that things can and will  improve.  That Ethan is happy and has a good life.  What more could you ask for? 

We know that Ethan will always be different.  Not less, but different.  We are fine with that. We happen to think that he has a much better view on life than the rest of us.  He is pure. He is awesome.

But as we watch him progress more and more toward the normal (neuro-typical, non-special needs, etc -if there truly is a ‘normal’) kids, we have discovered a new thing to deal with.  The fact that he has autism.  People seem surprised.  People stick their foot in their mouth.  People are still discriminating.

A couple of weeks ago, a Mom I know, who has been around Ethan many times, had NO idea that he has autism.  When I mentioned it in a conversation, she asked who’s kid had autism.  I laughed and said Ethan did.  She was honestly confused.  I explained, she listened, we kept on talkin about other things.  It was no big deal.  She rocks.

Another Mom was not as cool.  She actually said, OUT LOUD, to someone that she wasn’t sure if her child being around Ethan was good for the child.  Ummm, autism is not contagious.  If your child develops autism from being around Ethan, they already had it.  My friend she said it to was VERY upset.  Now mind you, this precious child of hers is a real sweet heart.  So good, well behaved, kind, considerate, totally cool kid.  That said, the child is dealing with emotional issues that ‘Mom’ has had a BIG hand in causing.  Sweep around your own door, Sister.

Then there was the foot in mouth Mom.  She was so surprised to find that Ethan has autism.  He ‘looks’ so normal. Wow.  He is normal.  His version of normal.  He has a hard time processing our World. It’s neurological.  Different, not less.  He has a normal IQ and a heart of gold.  He is a son, a grandson, a brother, a nephew, a cousin, and a friend.  He is a person.  Maybe it would help the ‘normal’ people understand if he were to scream and tantrum at all times.  Maybe flap his hands more or totally flip out.

Now I understand that people don’t always know what to say.  Ethan can ‘pass’ many times.  We don’t try to make him ‘pass’ he just does…sometimes.  I laughed off each of these occurrences. I explained to my dear upset friend that this stuff happens all the time.  It is when stuff happens TO Ethan that I have the hardest time.  When kids are not nice to him.  You know, the kids that are nice when no one else is around and ignore him when there is a ‘better’ friend around.  I see it.  If you think I don’t…..I do. Every time.  All I can say is that if I can teach Ethan to have manners, surely you could sweat a little and teach yours.

My dear autism Mommies, you will hear these things.  People will make crazy statements.  When you are in the first years, it will break your heart.  I used to have a place where I would go hide from the kids and Freddie so I could cry.  I would go and cry my eyes out. I would sometimes cry until I fell asleep there. Fuzzy blanket, back of closet.  But every time I got done, I was stronger…and pissed.  People say I am fearless.  I’m not sure it is fearless.  I think it is more like, I have been all the way to the bottom, so there is nothing you can do that hasn’t already been done.

I also understand greatly how it feels to be right where you are.  I guess that is why I like to mentor with autism Families.  I want them – heck, I NEED them to know they are not alone.  That they are right to be mad about things.  But that they can turn that energy into a light for others. The hardest part of it all was when I felt alone.

The first person to come in and say ‘I am here, for the long haul’ was Jamie. Jamie was Ethan’s first ABA (Behavioral) therapist. She stood with me, in the fire, many times.  While Freddie was gone and Ansley was an infant, we had Jamie.  She was strong when I wasn’t. She gave me some lessons in tough love.  I would cry after our first sessions.  It was hard.  But she would look me in the eyes and tell me I had to do it to help Ethan.  She was right. She was my rock. She gave Ethan the ladder out of ‘the pit.’

So when people make you crazy, know that they are a great many more people who are not Jerks.  There are people that will join hands with you and be your rock.  You have to look for and ask for that help.  People might surprise you with their kindness 🙂

As for the Jerks, know that there will always be discrimination.  It makes people feel better about themselves.  It is something miserable in THEM, not in your child.  I know to laugh off their comments because I know I am right.  Something in their life is missing something.  It is an attempt to elevate themselves.  I see through it .  Others do too.  We are a Happy, Solid family. My kids are Great and so is my Precious Hubby.

I look so forward to our future and the plans God has for us.  Keep your focus. Keep looking up.