Today I went running. No I was not being chased by someone with a knife or a torch of fire.  I went running.  I ran with a great group of ladies that are very motivating and patient.  Patient with my weak body that is trying hard to remember what it used to feel like to run for miles and miles.  It has been over 8 years since I have gotten on the asphalt and ran.  Back in college it was nothing to do a ‘quick’ 2 mile morning run, go to classes and then run track at school.  Now many years and tired knees later, I hear the road calling me.  Wondering how my body and knees will respond, I am taking it slow.  Real slow 🙂  My body and knees feel great!  To my surprise, it is my breathing that is getting me.  Finding my rhythm and pace.

But I will run the race.

One of the many things I miss about running is the time of reflection.  Out on the road always seemed the best time for me to think through things and work things out.  Being in nature is restoring to my spirit. Sweat and all, I feel whole.

So I run the race.

As I looked down the road ahead, I thought of how great today feels.  Just being alive, strong (kind of), happy….these are not Blessings to be taken lightly.  They are treasures.  As I have said in the toughest of times, No one is dying today – It is a good day.

So I run.

I come home to find that my precious family is still asleep.  As I check on each of them, I am full of the realization that I am Crazy Lucky beyond anything I could have ever imagined.  Maybe to the World our life looks just like every body else.  But I know it is not.  I know where we have been.  I take every beautiful day like today and I soak it in as much as possible.

I run.

As we climbed the hills today, I thought of Ethan.  Of all the hills and challenges that he has overcome.  Of how hard it must be for him to simply make it in a World not made for him.  For him to share with me his interpretation of sound, light, movement.  For me to get a glimpse into the minute by minute struggle to simply fit in.  To hear him say that he is ‘just like everyone else.’  Not because we ask that of him, but because he wants it SO badly.  He wants to be good.  He wants to fit in.  We tell him that he is perfect just like God made him, but something in him knows.  He knows that the World is watching.  He knows he has to fit in to be with the ‘regular’ kids.  He knows he is closer to neurotypical (normal) than not.  So he pushes himself.  He is determined.  He still tells me he will grow up to be that ‘Big Guy Ethan,’ just like Dad is a Big Guy.

So he runs. He is My Hero.

We are now about to start a new race.  3rd Grade will begin in just over two weeks.  We are tightening our laces.  We are working with our ABA team.  Team Meeting is on Monday, 3pm sharp!  We are making plans.  We are digging in.  Ethan is excited and keeps talking about his new Teacher.  He still ADORES his 2nd Grade Teacher, but is giddy excited about 3rd Grade.  I am Amazed…..

We will begin a new Chapter, as a family, and as a young man.  We will look ahead and stare down the mountain.  We will welcome the challenges because we have faced them before.

Matthew 17:20 (NLT) “You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”

We have Faith.  We have seen the mountain move.  I have watched my son lose his speech and fade away – to then regain his speech and return to us.  I have seen my son be given up on only to ‘amaze’ professionals now.  I have seen my son go from a self contained class room, tantruming, a complete basketcase to mainstreamed with pull out services only for speech and ot.  There was a point in life where the child that sat before me had been stolen.  He was a shell, but he was gone.  I do not wish this on the most horrible person on Earth.  But I know My God saved him.  There simply is no other explanation.  Ethan has had years of therapy, but so have many children.  Ethan’s advances are more than therapy. Absolute Divine Intervention.  On top of all of that, Ethan is happy.  Life is Good.  God is merciful and generous.

I love Ethan, Ansley, and Freddie more than anything in the World.  They are Amazing.

Me?  I am a work in progress.  I am head strong and moody.  I make mistakes.  I screw up.  I’m sure I cause much ‘you gotta be kidding me’ reactions from God.  🙂   But I try.  I mean well.  I work hard and always look for ways to spend my time in meaningful ways.  I am a loving Wife, Mother, and Friend.  If I tell you that you can count on me, you can.  I stand by my word.  I worry about our last conversation and how it made you feel.  I constantly check my character and tally my short comings, so I can try to do better.  I try…

We run our race.

Our race to survive, cope, adjust, enjoy and relate.  We run a race to be better people, better citizens, better Christians.  We run our race to make time for what matters.

Two verses come to mind:

Matthew 23:28 – “In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous, but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.”(NIV)

Matthew 7:20 – “Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.”

So does my inside reflect outwardly?  Does my outside reflect my heart?  No one is perfect.  I know this.  But it is a daily struggle to live this truth.  No, you cannot walk around like a street Preacher – well, I guess you could…but I digress….

My Prayer for today is that as I run this race with my Sweet Family, along with everyone else, that my heart does show.  That I run the race well and make a conscious effort to treat others as I intend to.  That I slow down and think about how my actions affect others.  And that I make God proud.  How could I not want this?  He has been SO good to me and My family and My Sweet Ethan.  My cup runneth over….

So we run.