Being sick gives you lots of time to scroll through Netflix. As Ansley and I moan and groan with tummy aches, we scroll looking for something to take our minds off of it. We came up to the movie “Son of God” and Ansley asked to watch it. I wasn’t sure if I should let her. She is so young and I wasn’t sure how she would handle it. We have talked a lot about Jesus lately as she has been asking more and more about how he died. I know that the scenes from the movie the Passion are WAY too graphic for her. Maybe this version wasn’t as bad? She kept asking so I agreed. I did explain to her that I planned to fast forward through at least some parts where the people hurt Jesus’ body. She understood. So we watched it.

The first thing I thought- How did I get so far from the close relationship I had with Jesus? Now let me stop there and say- I am not nor will I ever be a street preacher. That is not what I mean. I mean that one on one, truly close relationship that I have let fade. The regular time I spent reading His word and keeping my faith strong. I only recently, once again, started spending time reading the Bible on a regular basis. How did what I once loved doing, now feel a little like a chore? I felt a yuk in my stomach that had nothing to do with the stomach flu.

So the inner dialog started- “I give of myself every day. I help lots of people by giving my time and resources when needed.” Then it hit me- Doing what is GOOD does not always equate to doing what is RIGHT or what is God’s plan. Whoa. That stung. Just because you run around ‘doing’ doesn’t mean it is what’s meant for your time. Again- Wow. What is the difference? To me it is this- I am busy doing what I think is right. I am not listening to God for my steps. I am steering the ship of which I am not meant to be the Captain.

It is amazing to me how quickly things can get out of order. Yet the changes seem subtle. One day you look around and nothing is as it should be. How did that even happen….?

It is easy to get busy. Then busy days lead to “I’ll catch up with that later.” Every thing from housework to exercising, taking time for yourself to taking time for your family. That is truly where I believe the devil finds an opportunity to slip in. “Things” that mean nothing suddenly become important and need to be addressed as the ‘important’ things become insignificant. And so the disorder goes. But eventually you see it. And then things will make perfect sense. The disorder- the truly unimportant- they need to go in their appropriate place…out of your life. Time for an appropriate house cleaning arrives.

My new order list starts like this:

1. God First. I have said that. I have meant that. But I did not actually put Him first. I kind of thought I did. I was ‘kind of’ wrong.

2. Family after God. I cannot raise my kids or love my husband the way I should without my heart and soul in the right place. God First.

3. On the topic of putting my family just after God- if that does not fit what anyone else wants of me….TOUGH.

4. I will explain my heart and actions to God, my husband and my children….And ONLY to them. I owe that to no one else in the entire world.

5. I will love and appreciate ALL that God has given to me and my family. ALL. That means the good and the bad. The hard and the easy. Knowing all the while that if God let something come to me, it is for a reason. I will do my best to be thankful in all things while trying to learn and grow.

6. I will look for happiness and joy in everyday. Even when the house is being over run by the stomach flu- I will thank God it isn’t worse.

7. I will do my best to not worry. As things go, I am a planner and worrier. But to worry means I don’t trust God to handle things. That is just not right. God is in control and I have to let go and let Him.

8. I will no longer concern myself with the opinion of others. As a natural people pleaser, I will run myself ragged…and many are quick to let me. That has ended. I will continue to do what I know is right. However, what anyone else thinks is simply their concern, not mine. I know who I am and my heart. So does God. If I am not a doormat, I think God is okay with that 🙂

9. I will spend my newly freed up time to nurture the relationships I have neglected. For my dear family that I have been too busy for, I greatly apologize. Expect for me to now run YOU crazy- lol.

10. Most importantly, I look forward to getting my spirit in order. To spending time in the Word and on the things that matter.

I had this conversation with a family member that said “I haven’t noticed you seeming disordered.” Thanks- but I did. I felt it. To me it was increasingly obvious. So as I get back on my Bible study, vitamins, exercise, afternoon board games- I will focus my mind of things that I know I should. Knowing all the while- I will stumble, I will screw up and that at times make a total mess. But I will keep trying.

So if ‘things’ seem out of sync for you- maybe an honest inventory will help you as well. Spring is right around the corner. It’s a great time for new beginnings.